Monday, July 31, 2006

Outgames Outdid Chicago!?

According to a local publication called Le Métro, athletes prefer the Outgames to the Chicago Gay Games. The warm welcome from organizers, the city and the people. The ambiance is just amazing, some say. The quality of the establishments is equaled by none. In Chicago, 70% of the 11,000 participants were Americans. Apparently they called it the American Gay Games. They say it feels more like real Olympics, a melting pot because more countries are represented. Only 3000 athletes are Canadians out of the 12,000 participants. J Proud Canadian!? This just in!? More than 100 countries are represented in the Outgames – a first for a LGBT sporting event. The Outgames will also be the first LGBT event to which participants from Southern Hemisphere countries will be coming in significant numbers. taken from website : Night Tours

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Back by popular demand!?

Out for the Outgames!?

It was a good night, it was a great night!? The show, from beginning to end was just perfect!?

Here is the Olympic Stadium. This work of art was build for the Olympics of 1976. It is also the building that has claimed the most lives during construction.

I'm not sure we're done paying it!? The opening was superb. Over 100 different countries came in. Some 12,000 athletes. The countries where it's a crime to be gay received a standing ovation. These guys are some of the bravest people I've ever seen. Welcome!? Thank you!?

The ceremonies started with the co-founder of the Outgames, Mark Tewksbury and Martina Navratilova.

The mayor of the city got a standing ovation. The representative from our Provincial government was also well received. Boos started when the minister of Public Works from the Federal government tried to speak. Our mayor asked us to give him a chance. The poor guy did not finish his speech. (the Fed. Gov. wants to re-open debate to ban same sex marriages)

The party was on as soon as Martha Walsh sang the first notes of "Gonna make you sweat!" from C&C Music factory. It just kept going from there.

Martha Walsh

We had local and international artists. K.D. Lang gave a great performance.

The acts performed by our very own Cirque du Soleil were amazing. The only problem was that they were concentrated on the stage. We couldn't see much. Thank god for big screens.

Diane Dufresne

But I think the one that had the biggest impact was Diane Dufresne. She as always been known to give outrageous shows. She did not disappoint us. She came dressed in a half tux half dress outfit. She sang her old hit called "La vie en Rose" For this song, a big peace of pink cloth was going around the athletes and wrapped them up. The woman knows what she's doing. It was a great 3 hours. An event I am not soon to forget!? And I am PROUD to have been part of it!? Here's to OurGames!? Here's to many, many more!?

The different faces of our stage!?

Thank you to everyone that made this a possibility and thank you to all that participate!? Unfortunately yours truly will not attend the parade tonight. Not out of disrespect, but out of tiredness. And I think I paraded enough last night. I don't remember when's the last time I stayed up for 24 hours straight!? But I will be going to different events throughout the week and keep you posted.


Going to bed!?

Look at the time guys!? I'm going to bed, NOW!? hehehe Talk to you guys later!? I guess my blues are gone!? lol


The show was great, I'll post tomorrow morning!? Goo'night!?

Saturday, July 29, 2006

I swear I'm trying!?

I've posted some outrageous posts yesterday. (removed) I'm trying to get into it, but I don't feel like it. I want to see the show tonight. That should be fun. But for the rest... The parade, the activities, the dances... I'm just not into it. Maybe it'll change after tonight. J

I am readay!?

R ya ready for me?!

Friday, July 28, 2006

Getting ready for the week end!?

I think I have evrything!?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Stop the world!? Men overboard!?

Who is going to wake up and hit the breaks?! I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record. But this makes me sick. It's everywhere and people look at them, not "it" as the problem. How can we yell loud enough? Make enough noise? We have to stop this madness of always wanting to get ahead. Too many people are being stepped on, forgotten, left behind, lost. Lets stop raising prices on everything. Lets stop making budget cuts. Lets stop making a better version of everything every six months. Lets stop wasting. Lets just stop! The world is spinning out of control. The governments keep pushing. The companies keep pushing. It's starting to feel like we're building pyramids. So what do we, the little people do? We want to push too. We want to push back. But we don't seem to get that the people that answer the phone for those companies, that we want to push, are just little people too. So we're pushing each other. What can be done?! 1)Lets start with governments that always want the population to grow. "We need next generations to support the older generations." Why don't we start by making sure the generations that are here can live comfortably? Lets make sure everybody has a roof over their heads. And I'm not talking about a shelter. Lets make sure everybody eats. Lets make sure everybody gets the medical treatments they need. Lets make sure everybody gets an education. When you build something, you need to take care of it. Maintenance needs to be done. What happens when you don't take care of your car? It deteriorates, you need to change it. Well the world is deteriorating, can we change it? NO!? I thought we were building this world!? 2) Companies ask for more but give less. One man now will be doing the work of 10. And he gets a bad review at the end of the year. Why? He can't keep up. He has to do overtime. He can't meet his quotas. No raise means more money for the company. I want to cry every time I hear a company made billions in profits!? STOP CUTTING DOWN!? (Here I'm going to have some of you mad at me. I don't care!?) 3) Our beloved stars. I don't understand how we can pay 135$ to 500$ to go see an old bat mope the floor with her sweat. If we say no, there won't be a next Madge expecting us to give her two days or a week of our hard earn money to see her screech and claw the stage. This is only entertainment people!? 4)We the people need to stop, take one god damn good look at ourselves in the mirror. It ain't pretty!?

This is starting to look better and better!?

Lets stop this single minded thinking!? Lets help this planet of ours regain control of itself!? Lets help each other!? Lets have fun!? J

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Same thing in reverse!?

How does it feel, what do you do When he's all alone with you Do you kiss him, hold his hand Who's the woman who's the man Is it twisted it is sick Mother nature's little trick I don't have to feel no shame In God's image I am made Your brother doesn't understand How you could love another man Your poor father thinks we're cursed It's the same thing in reverse It's the same thing in reverse Nothing better nothing worse It's the same thing in reverse It's the same thing it's the same thing Love is! La de dah What can you say, where do you go Do you want the world to know Make a prison of your fear Be a kamikaze queer Bite my lip, hold my tongue Hope I'm not the only one I don't have to be afraid In God's image I am made Chorus, Do I love him, yes I love him So don't question my affection This is not some damn affliction It's just love in contradiction It's the same thing, it's the same thing Black boys in cars (it's the same thing) White boys with poisonous hearts (it's the same thing) Even on the one eyed guru (it's the same thing) And why the hell you looking at me (it's the same thing) I never wanted to be part of the gang (it's the same thing) I never saw this as part of my plan (it's the same thing) I walk down the street with pride (it's the same thing) Happy that you're by my side Boy George - Same Thing In Reverse -Boy George -Cheapness & Beauty Hope you enjoy!? J

My hero!?

Who was your hero growing up? Who's your hero now? I'm almost sure I'm the only one who took him for a hero. Most of my friends had Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and more... Mine did not have any super powers. He wasn't big. He didn't go to other worlds. He, like most, had a side kick. He had a great imagination. He would always help the people around him. If he didn't it's because he knew they could do it themselves. He would always make life better. He also loved to dance. He was everybody's friend. I remember my dad taking me on an emergency call, he was a plumber and it was winter. People didn't have heat. I was maybe 6, and the lady of the house was in the living room watching what I wanted to watch. My hero was on TV.(what? Did you expect me to say my dad?) lol I stood in the hallway and watched on. She noticed me and offered me to sit on the couch with her. I smiled and ran to watch my hero skate on is one hour special. She gave me milk and cookies. I was just thrilled to be able to see him. I read everything about him. I had him in different sizes. Every morning I'd open the paper to read another of his exploits. If I look back, I guess I'm a lot like him. Pretty sarcastic, cool, most of the time, big heart, nice to my friends and love to laugh. Like him I have a big imagination. I can make almost anything out of nothing. Although I have his life's work. Now he's not my hero anymore. He will always have a special place in my heart. I will always watch his old and if possible new adventures. But my heroes are now real people. The ones that make a difference in our world. We wont see movies made of their lives. But that's only because a lot of people don't see them that way. I know some of you. To me you are heroes. Thank you!? OH! My hero when I was growing up was, Told ya!? Remember?!
To me he was the best!
So, who was your hero growing up? Who's your hero now? J

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Bowling for my columnbine!?

Since I made some changes, I decided to talk about my left foot! Sorry, My right column!? The first thing you see at the top right is "Therapy for the naïve" Well at first this was for me. But then I realized that a lot of people were coming and either were like me or knew not what "I" knew. So the title goes both ways. No pun intended Then you have me! I will try to change the photo regularly and let you see the changes in me. "Program" The pic there was taken in April or May of this year. I ain't lyin' or hidin'. Then you have a section called "Walking in my shoes" That section is what has made me what I am today! Very important section!? After you'll get "World in my eyes" This relates to the naïve part of me. How simple things should be. Then you'll get to the guys and girl, I read every day. The first and second are my best virtual friends. The third is almost a real friend. We met once, we'll see how it goes. If ever you need help with your closet, like this guy did then you can call on the guys in my list "Closet Organizers". They are so deep in there, they find Christmas presents. Of course lets not forget her, she can't clean for shit, she'll understand you but wont say one god damn word in English. After her there is a man who is very special to me, he has such a big mouth that he needs more then one blog! Plus, get this, it's not enough he talks a lot, he has to show us what he sees. After that, you can of course blogroll me. Even though I still don't know how to make the damn thing work. I followed this guy's advice, but it still doesn't work. Please help me!? I added something that I've seen here and there, a thank you! if you will. You press on it and you can send me what ever I wish for!!!??? I had put a pet that I adopted yesterday, a Bengal tiger. But it wont stay still. It keeps going to the bottom. I think Blogger doesn't like java from other web sites. If you see him, you can pet him and he'll purr. If you don't move your mouse and it's at the bottom left of his space, he'll eat it! Of course then you'll have what I was thinking yesterday, what is in the back of my mind for the last month or so and some not so clean thoughts. Then, get some of the best queer music, I know this bitch is a loud mouth, but when someone tells her to shut up and sing...MAN can she sing!? Almost there!? I don't get a lot of comments, so I decided to see how many people came to see me. Well I guess I'm not so bad, cause I'm almost at 1000. I would really like for people that come and read me to say Hi! in the comments. Even anonymous. I try to reply to all comments via e-mail, but some of you don't have any. So drop me a line and ask whatever you want. I'm an open book and no question is stupid! Six, shut up!? At last we have the support of OUR lord, Blogger. We have to say a big thank you to them. Without them, this would not be possible. So there you have it!? As you can see, I pack on the right!? G'night!? J

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Your baby is growing up!?

Yesterday was my first month anniversary!? I started blogging on June 21 2006. With this post, I now have 50 posts. Thanks to all!? Your guidance and support really means a lot to me!? Now get out of my way and let me lick the icing!? J xx

These are the blogs of our lives!?

You have to read this book!?

I haven't been reading books for that long. When I was younger I had the usual, Who is... collection. Every month I'd get a book about elephants, lions, policemen... I also had comic books. I think we've all read Archie at one time or another. In school when we had to do a book report, I'd always get a book that a movie had been made of. I just didn't like to read. Then the movie Interview with a vampire was coming out. I got all four books. Nobody knew if the movie was going to be just about the first one or all of them. I read all four books in about 3 weeks. I finished the last one around 4 in the morning the night before. After that I got all the Anne Rice's books and read them all. Not as fast. Every time she had a new book I would go get it. After reading all her books, I needed more. Since then, I get about 2 books a month. I know people can read a book in one afternoon. Well from 0 to 2 a month I think it's pretty good. And cheaper. I started reading gay stories about six years ago. Every time I would find a book I loved, it was always a new author. So he only had one book out. I did find Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City, and the Buddies series from Ethan Mordden. I'm happy when I love the story and the characters and there is a series of five or six books. I live with these people longer. But they always end. Which is normal. After a while the author doesn't know what to do with them and they're getting older. I've always had a feeling of emptiness after finishing a book and knowing that I wont see these people that I've grown to love and care for. Well I've found a never ending story. Us! We sample blogs and blogroll are favorite ones. Some stay, some go. We decide to write out a character, but like in the soaps, if we want we can bring him back. But without being together we all meet in these virtual pages. It's as if we all know each other or know someone who knows another. And this story takes place everywhere in the world. What I like about this story is that we the reader can interact with the people of this story. We can even meet and become part of their story for a week or two. A few things I know is:

  • no one knows how things will turn out
  • we will never see "The End"
  • cheaters cannot go read the last page
  • we will live through the happily ever after with them and then maybe even the not so happily ever after!
  • we're all reading it at the same time, so no one can give away the ending

But one thing I'm sure of,

This book is the best one I've read so far!? So take a bow!? You deserve it!? Now get back to your desk!? These chapters wont write themselves you know!?


Léo !?

Trust me It's Paradise This is where the hungry come to feed for mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before so never refuse an invitation never resist the unfamiliar never fail to be polite and never outstay your welcome just keep your mind open and suck in the experience and if it hurts you know what... it's probably worth it you hope and you dream but you never believe that something is going to happen for you
not like it does in the movies and when it actually does
you expect it to feel different more visirale
more real i was waiting for it to hit me i still believe in paradise but now at least i know it's not some place you can look for cause it's not where you go it's how you feel for a moment in your life and if you find that moment
it'll last forever

Friday, July 21, 2006

The Roommate!?

What kind of friend/ex am I?! I keep telling myself it's because of lack of sleep, the pills. The fact that I don't follow the calendar anymore since I'm not working. I still can't believe this happened. I woke up before he left for work yesterday. He came home and I didn't say a thing. I FORGOT HIS BIRTHDAY!? I'm so bad!? Thank god his gift is the ticket for the Out Games opening. And yes it's already here, already paid for!? Once he told me that it was the 20th, I jumped up, said I was going to the corner store. I came back with chicken, wine, a cake, a teddy bear and a movie. That I bought for him. I feel so bad!? So,
At first I was calling him the roommate. Out of respect for his privacy. Because I didn't know if he wanted to be mentioned on the web. Well he was not happy. He told me I could use his name and he even gave me a pic to show you guys!?
So here he is!?
Pascal the roommate!?
So sorry!? J Come on guys lets have it!? Tell me how bad I am!?

Louis, c'est moi !?

The love of my life!? The me!? Questioning everything around us Always looking for answers Always doubting Always...
Being dark without being dark
We always search for meaning We both lost what was dear to us We got robbed of our lives We are seeked but we never really need We will accept company
But beware
Turn your back and we are gone We are loners
Always looking to better ourselves We long for
But we don't know what We love without wanting We want but we do not We do not want to hurt another We would rather hurt or die ourselves We love the finer things in life
But life does not have to be
The finer things We move with the times because we are constantly learning
Never stopping to just be
Louis De Pointe-du-Lac
c'est moi

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Death becomes her!?

The dad of 2 friends died last week. We, me and my roommate Pascal, went to the funeral last night. He supposedly died of a birth defect. What the hell?! He was 57 for crying out loud!? They said they would know more after the autopsy report. They were very close to their father. They would see him every week. Always doing something with him. It was my first social gathering since my panic attacks. Aside from crying, I was fine. No symptoms. Nothing. On the way back I started thinking about my mom. Maybe now is a good time to tell you about her. My mom was young, hip, she would have fitted very well as a stand in for one of Austin Powers' party scenes. I have a picture of her in a short yellow dress with silver thigh high shiny boots. She was hot for the times. Very good in school. She worked in a bank until my birth. She met a guy, got married in 1966 and tried to have a baby. This child, a boy, was stillborn. 11 months later I was born. My mom suffered a hemorrhage when she had me. The one after me had no heart beat after the first 3 months. The last, a little girl, my mom lost her in the toilet. I saw the fetus in the bowl. We named her Angel. I was about 7 years old. So I was to be the only child they would ever have. My mom, which I didn't know at the time, was an alcoholic. She used to send me to the grocery store to buy her small bottles of cider. I remember I was about 5 or 6. I guess she used to drink, but maybe not that much. I remember good times. Great times. We always had something to do. Then when I was about 9, it either got worst or I started noticing. I don't know. I remember finding glasses full of wine in the cookie cupboard and emptying them in the sink. I remember finding bottles here and there. Even in my room. At one point she started selling my books to have money for booze. She even did her sister's laundry for extra cash. A few things happened when I was 14. -I came back from school on special permission from the principal because I was sure I had left the stove on. It wasn't. But I did find something else. My mom was there with a bleeding nose. She was drunk and had fallen somewhere. To this day I still don't know where. -It was the first and only time that I laid a hand on her. I wanted to go ice skating and she was holding on to my arms saying that I was not going. With the outside of my fists, I hit her upper arms until she let go of me. I ran out of the house, fell down in the snow and cried. -Once, I came home and she was writhing on the floor with her hands held up. A neighbor's kid came and told my dad that she had fallen down and was crying. She was to heavy for him to lift. They got her home by pushing her on a sled. She was drunk, she fell and could not get back up on her own. Her hands were frozen. She must have been very humiliated afterwords because I have a vivid image of her with her hands up, in bandages, being fed by my father at his moms New Year's Eve dinner. -Later in the spring I came home after school, hit my nose on a locked front door. See my mom was always home. So unless there was something special, I didn't have a key. I knocked on the door, the windows. Went around back, the door was also locked. I looked through the living room window, from there I could see in my parents room. I saw her feet and part of her legs. She was lying on the floor next to the bed. I opened a metal grid from one of the garage windows to get in. This was the high window in the garage door. I had to go in feet first in a 10 by 14 inch hole. She was in pain, her nose was broken again. -In a moment of clear, non drunken conscience, she told me she was waiting for me to turn 18 to divorce my dad. She also told me that she never loved him. On her wedding day she told her mom, and her mom told her, "you will not disgrace the family". By the time I turned 15, everything changed. She stopped drinking, lost weight, she was at 300lbs by then. She went down to 150lbs. She went back to school and got herself a job in a hospital for kids. She would go to AA meetings. My dad couldn't stand it. She was now getting to be independent. She was making her own money, new friends that he didn't know. He got very jealous. I was happy. She was back. We were closer then ever. Being that the times were so great, I didn't want to tell her about my secret. I didn't want her to fall again. A week before my 18th birthday, she got my dad served with divorce papers. A week later he was out of the house. We were like roommates. We'd hang together, chat, go to movies. My mom was cool. She loved Sci-Fi movies. My friends loved her. She was part of the gang. Maybe that's how she was because she was never really a good mother. So she decided to be one of my best friends. About a year after that, she came home from a vacation and started drinking again. One Sunday morning I was woken up by the door bell. A medic asked me if I knew that woman. It was my mom. She had taken all her pills and drank something. She had fallen on the side walk and broken her nose again. It was her second attempt. She told me later that she once did the same thing, but just woke up the next day. I was giving her money every month to help out, but I noticed the bills were coming in red. She was drinking the money I was giving her. So I told her that from then on I would pay bills instead. She kept drinking. One afternoon, I called the local clinic crying that I couldn't take it anymore. They told me to come in right away. I saw a social worker, and with her started realizing that I had to get out of there. In November of that year, my mom grabbed my arm one night while I was on my way to an exam, and she told me, "I know what you're hiding under your bed". Magazines of naked guys. I told her now was not the time. She was drunk and I had an exam. We never discussed it after. The following summer I moved out. Once she called me over cause she felt sick. I noticed all her pill bottles were empty. She was on her third attempt. Either my being there stopped her or she couldn't go through with it, I don't know. Then in July of that year, her fourth and last attempt worked. She had taken all her pills and drank I don't know how much, but she was gone. She was 44. I was 21. I went back to the social worker the next week, and told her I wasn't crying that much. That's when she told me one of the first thing I told her in our first meeting, "to me my mom is dead. She just visits me from time to time". I had been mourning for a long time already. Am I mad that she left me? Yes Do I understand her actions? It was, to her, the only way out. Do I find her a good mother? Yes and no. She did her best. But no parent should raise a kid when they're an alcoholic. No parent should tell they're kid they will divorce their father in 4 years nor that they don't love him, never have. No kid should live through 4 suicide attempts. Do I love her? I do! She's my mom! And I'm still proud of her!? Love, J Sleep well mom!?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

J is for...

well not for friend, that's for sure. Imagine my surprise last night around 12:30. I couldn't sleep. I guess a little voice was bugging me, cause when I got up to check out some blogs, I read this Judas', or Jack ass', or Jacobs blog and I had been tagged with a MêMe. He used sarcasm to talk about his tagger. Why pretend?! lol I have to find 10 words to describe myself starting with the letter "J". Lets see... 1) Just!? I'm pretty fair. 2) Joker!? I can make you believe almost anything. 3) Jaded!? A hello, I'm on sick leave for a reason. 4) Jaunty!? Yes I am nice. Just don't tag me!? lol 5) Jaw breaker!? You figure it out!? 6) Jaywalker!? Hey! It's Montreal, what do you expect?! 7) Jewel!? What can I say, I'm a gem. 8) Jerker!? Everybody is!? Don't look at me like that!? 9) Juicy!? Goes with number 5 and 8!? hehe 10) Joyful!? A naïve is almost always happy. But don't worry, I won't Jive anybody with this. Just because Junior decided to make us Jump on this Joyful ride doesn't mean I'll Jab Just any John !? Just Joking!? J Post Update!? Jack & Jill Joyously Jab this Joker to Join us Just for Jiggles!? So Six you get the letter "H" Joyfully yours!?

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Letter from a mom!?

I took this from Dan. It's just too powerful not to be copied and shared. With more news like this raising the tally of states that ban (or may ban) same-sex marriage, I am encouraged by this recent letter to The Valley News, a New Hampshire/Vermont daily newspaper. It is in response to letters written to the editor of the paper from religious wingnuts in the area. We all need moms like this. The following is a strong and moving letter written by the mother of a gay boy in Vermont...-Dan Dear Editor: Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people. I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6. In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity. You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that. At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn. If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can? A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters." You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man. You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?" Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that? ************************************************* Thanks mom!? Love J

Monday, July 17, 2006

Now that the fan's been cleaned !?

After speaking with a "virtual friend" yesterday, I realized that he was right. And that I had been victim to these cyborg. So s**t had to hit something. Now that the mess has been cleaned, time for some "funner" stuff. Program update: Keeping my word and finishing the program was not really hard. I did everything and even some more. Like I told you I bought a bike, Ok now to what you have been waiting for. Like I said, I'm eating without going hungry. Just not eating any junk. The fat was good fat. So my body needed to eat away at the stored fat. I know that loosing weight to quickly is not good, but I guess it depends on how you do it. Cause I feel fine. I told you that since last Wednesday, no symptoms of my anxiety nor panic have come up. Beer, eating habit, pills? Who knows. I'm just happy to be better. So I started at 193 lbs, last time I had lost 8 lbs. Well this morning I weighed 184 lbs. I lost 9 lbs. Woo hoo!? In other news !? We have a new addition in the house. This little guy had been roaming around Pascal's brother's house for the last 4 days. He was yelling not to let him in the yard cause he would try to get into the house. And also that he is very very allergic to cats. He's allergic to just about everything. Then he says he has no issues. Go figure. Back to the cat. Pascal went to see him and noticed he had no claws. Another lost or abandoned cat. Most people were moving 2 weeks ago. And a lot of people leave their pets behind. So Pascal told his brother he would take him home. They suggested to leave him in the car for now. With the humidity factor it was about 40, around 102 for you guys. Someone said to put him in a bag. What the hell?! So since nobody wanted the cat in the yard, Pascal left the dinner to bring him home. It's about a 20 minute drive. And then went back. So I give you Teddy!? (as in teddy bear)

He always lies like that!?
He's already friends with the other cats. He's even running havoc in the house. He knows. He's home. Welcome home Teddy!? Peace!? J

If the plastic pen holder fits!?

I haven't been blogging long, and already I see a pattern repeating. Except instead of just losing the chat window right away, it takes longer for the cyborg to ignore you. I almost feel like the blog is a literate chat room. A way for the more versed nerds to get off. For starters you can see that the owner of the blog can articulate. You get the "imagined" profile on a day to day basis. But the end result is the same. If you let your guard down and let this cyborg in, he'll just get what he wants and then... I've virtually "met" a few interesting people. Some seem genuine. Some are just here for one thing. I didn't think it was like that. What's the difference? The only difference is that you get to see a more refined side of the cyborg. The side he wants us to believe he is. The cyber world is like the telephone. You get to screen your calls. And if you don't want to chat to that person ever again, you can ignore, have the system ignore him for you. Or just have the system hang up on the caller. And aren't they glad to use it. They don't have to defend themselves, they get somebody else to do it for them. What is wrong with the world today? People use people and then discard them like yesterdays news paper. I was sure that there wouldn't be that kind of thing here. Almost. Sure you have your regulars that are here for real. The ones that are genuinely interested in knowing different people. And I'm grateful for them. But still you have the hypocrites. The ones that will get under your skin. The ones that will tell you you seem like a real guy. The selfish, the liars, the users, the cyber sluts. The ones that are to chicken to go into the real world and get the real thing. They're not the real deal. But on the web, they can pretend to be. As you can see, the naïve have been had again. Can't people see we're all in the same boat? We all want what's best for Us. But I don't think we should get it at the expense of others. We really are animals. Some should crawl on 4 legs and some should just slither back to their hole. So, to the real bloggers I say peace. to the others I say, "We're sorry, the blogger you have dialed is no longer in service!?" J

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday Brunch!?

I've posted different things today. Please feel free to comment on all of them. lol love J x

#1 Program update!?

I'm still following the program. Things are going great. I'll post my result tomorrow. The only thing I couldn't follow was the coffee. But I am drinking 50/50 already. I'm still alcohol free. And still feel good since Wednesday. Keep on reading!? J

#2 Dear John...Doe

I hope you don't think I'm going crazy with the last two posts, High In Voltage / And It Didn't Start?! and Big Ol' tree!? Lets swing from it instead of hang... These posts were inspired by a friend of mine I was talking to on Thursday. He's not a blogger. Yet! I'm working on it. He reads me and most of you every day. He finds it helpful. But he never comments. He's scared, of sickness, of his family not loving him anymore. He won't come out. His faith, and theirs, in God is really strong. He's afraid of losing them. Why am I pushing him? So he can start living and enjoying himself. He's my age, 37. Now I came out at 26 and feel I have lost a big part of my life. I don't want him to feel the same after he gets comfortable with it all. So if you could please comment positive words, experiences... I would, and I'm sure he would, appreciate it. (after he calms down cause I'm talking about him.) lol Thank you. J

#3 How does Blogroll work?!

I would like to be able to see the updated blogs on mine. I signed up at Blogrolling, it doesn't work. Guess I'm not doing everything needed. Help!? Please?! J

#4 I need help with Blogger!?

I've seen lots of you with pics everywhere on your blog. Some of you have postings on both sides. How can I get a new header? (with pics) How can I get two columns? When I log in to post something new or if I edit an old post, I see during the upload time and date that can be modified at the bottom of the screen. But when I have access to type, they're gone. How can I get the time and date thingny? Also you guys talk about how many visit your blog. Does blogger offer a counter? If not where can I get one? Thanks in advance!? J

#5 Hugs!?

To each and every one of you that reads me, that comments, that e-mails and chats with me. Thank you!? Consider yourself hugged!? J xx

Saturday, July 15, 2006

High In Voltage / And It Didn't Start?!

What is still wrong with the world today? Why are so many people having unprotected sex? Young and old are practicing this Russian roulette game. The younger generation did not live what we have lived. They have not seen or felt what it can do to us. The older generation think they're super heros? Many people think that it's gone, that it can't affect them. It's not gone. It can affect everybody. Why take the risk? Everybody remembers Philadelphia, or It's my party. And their are so many more. Why would some one want to risk this? Don't they know anyone close to them that has to live with it? People called it the gay plague. What happened once we wised up? The straight had more cases then we did. Are we still talking about a gay plague? Now our numbers are going up again. Why? Because the word has died. We don't speak of it anymore. It's old news. Because of these non thinking fools. The ones that think they can avoid it and the ones that don't seem to give a f***! Ask people affected by this. They will tell you it's not funny. It's not easy. Should we forget about the people that are infected? They're still people. And if treatments are given to help them live a normal life, why shouldn't we make life as normal as possible for them. They are just like you and me. Only with more baggage. We all have baggage. This one is more physical. Should they stick to other infected people. Why? A man is a man. If I met a guy and I really liked him. If he told me he was positive, I might stop to think. But it won't turn me away. You just have to make adjustments. You can still love. Make love. And you find other ways to love also. Check out Jeffrey. It helped me understand more. It showed me the good and the bad. Some people are afraid of this. "What if I get it?" "I'd rather not do anything. That way I'm sure I'm safe" Maybe, but you are wasting your life. And the life of the guy you might end up with. We have to protect ourselves from this virus. Not the people who have it. J Boy George, Mother clutches the head of her dying son Anger and tears, so many things to feel Sensitive boy, good with his hands Noone mentions the unmentionable, but everybody understands Here in this cold white room Tied up to these machines It's hard to imagine him as he used to be Silence equals death, this is what they say But the anger and the tears do not take the pain away How far must it go, how near must it be Before it touches you, before it touches me Here in this cold white room Tied up to these machines It's hard to imagine life as it used to be Laughing screaming tumbling queen Like the most amazing light show you've ever seen Whirling swirling never blue How could you go and die, what a lonely thing to do Did you ever ask those strangers what they're searching for? Did they laugh and tell you they're not really sure? You were hurt by love but still you came right back for more Il adore, il adore, il adore boy george-I'll Adore J

Friday, July 14, 2006

Big Ol' tree!? Lets swing from it instead of hang...

It's everywhere. Some places stronger than others. Will it always be there? Probably! Who's at risk? Everybody. Men, women, children, different Nationalities. It will always haunt the person that is more at risk. What makes a guy that doesn't look gay to just sit in the shadows and watch? What happens to the gay guy that can't hide? To the people of any color for that matter? I was 4 when people started calling me names. Could I hide? I didn't even know what they were talking about. But I stood my ground and endured. Did I stop going to school? Why should they get an education and not me? So why should I hide and not live my life? Do I speak to those people anymore? Nope. I saw one of them a while back and it turns out she's a lesbian. lol If the people at Stonewall had decided to just sit back and endure, would we be here today? Same thing for slavery, Interracial marriages, When women couldn't vote, couldn't have jobs, or "men's" jobs. Just to name a few. If all those people had just stayed back and done nothing, we would still be living in the dark ages. So why live the way we are suppose to? To support what they did. To recognize and keep strong their efforts. It's the best way to be part of their dream. The best way to say thank you. Because, where we are is a part of their dream. They never lived the way we did. They would enjoy what their actions have permitted. But would they be happy if nobody kept it up? Would they say that they understood if we hid after all they've done? Because their dream is also our dream. To live in a world that accepts difference. In a world that doesn't see any differences. So should we hide from the gay bashers? Should people hide from racism? Should women stop in front of sexual barriers? Isn't the fact that people hide for fear of being ridiculed and beaten just like saying I wont buy that car or that house because I'll get robbed. By not doing what is good for us, what brings us joy, we let them win. Who are the winners? Who should win? As for family, I get that most of our parents were raised in a different time and age. Life evolves, so should they. But if they can't accept the person they've loved all this time just because of who they sleep with? Imagine the guy that brings his black BF to his racist homo-phobic family. lol Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants. I've lived with the perfect example. My mom moved with the times, my dad stayed in the 50's. With whom do you think I got along better? If they're so narrow minded, would we accept them anyway? We do. Kids are already different from their parents. More education. More technology to deal with. More money is needed to live a regular life. Why can't one parent stay home anymore? Because men need more money so they create inflation. Why are there bigots? They're afraid of what is different. But are we that different? Who are some of the best designers? Who do they copy most in the fashion world? Who do they copy in the music world? Who's clubs are being invaded? They eat the food from all around the world but won't tolerate the people. As long as we the different are used, waiters, hairdressers, ...Then it's ok. We are not objects. We are not servants. We are them. We are the same. We are people. Straights go to exotic places, and all they want to know is, are they going to steel from me. So all of us, men, women and any Nationalities have to take a stand and be proud. Proud here is to say I'm here, I'm equal. Not to say I'm better then you. Nor to just flash it in someone's face. Like Depeche Mode said, People are people So why should it be You and I should get along so awfully So were different colours And were different creeds And different people Have different needs Its obvious you hate me Though Ive done nothing wrong Ive never even met you So what could I have done I cant understand What makes a man Hate another man Help me understand People are people So why should it be You and I should get along so awfully People are people So why should it be You and I should get along so awfully Help me understand Now youre punching And youre kicking And youre shouting at me And Im relying on your common decency So far it hasnt surfaced But Im sure it exists It just takes a while to travel From your head to your fist (head to your fists) I cant understand what makes a man Hate another man Help me understand People are people So why should it be You and I should get along so awfully People are people So why should it be You and I should get along so awfully I cant understand What makes a man Hate another man... Naïve!? J!?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Me, my Self and I !?

First let me say I'm still on the program. Everything is going great. I eat more then I ate before. But will wait till Sunday for the weigh in. After the dentist on Tuesday, I realized that all the anxiety I felt through out the day was all my doing. I got home and felt more relaxed with myself. The numbness in my jaw left and I didn't feel any pain. Sure it was sensitive to hot or cold, but it was not hurting. Still today, no pain. Yesterday I ran a few errands. Checked the camera store to rent a zoom. The Out Games will be here at the end of July. Wanna take lots of pics at the opening. Got cat food. Found some cute 3D puzzles. Then I decided to see if my finances would allow me to buy... ...a bike. I've wanted a bike for the last 5 years. I want to use it to get around and go to work. By subway it's only 20 minutes. By car, forget it. Parking down town is so expensive. So after checking, I was a bit tight. Then I realized, if I take a cab to and from one doctor, about $20.00. The other, about $36.00. So it's already $56 towards my new bike. So I went for it. Got my bike. It's a Schwinn, hybrid, yellow and white. I'll post a pic of it soon. So after buying the bike, I rode for about 20 min. Once home I just couldn't sit still. So I went for another hour of cycling. The roommate, his name is Pascal BTW, was surprised and liked it. Then when I told him how long I had been gone for he said "don't you think you're over doing it?" Folks, all day yesterday and today, no signs of anxiety, no panic, nothing. I almost feel normal. After chatting a bit with Pascal, I weeded the front yard. Again he warned me, "Pascal, I've been hiding in the house for the last 3 months. When it was sunny, where was I? Inside. Now I feel great. I wanna be outside." Pascal: And now it's raining! Me: So, it's raining. It feels great. So you see guys, I've been almost ok for 2 days. Today I rode for over 3 hours. I love my bike. My first appointment was with my regular doctor. He read what the psychiatrist told me, to wait and see if the higher dosage would work, wait 3 weeks. If not up the dosage once and twice if necessary. If sleeping disorder persist, sleeping pills. I asked him if we could wait on those cause I just started exercising. He gave it to me anyway and said to use it IF I feel the need. I'll give it another week. Some of you know I chat with you till very late, you turn in. I stay up. Then in the morning, we chat again. That was my sleep. Not much. Maybe 4 hours. No nap during the day. I would like to sleep during the day but after half an hour of trying, forget it. The antidepressants are weakening me. Even if I ride my bike, I don't go to fast. My second appointment was with the anxiety specialist. He was surprise to see me on my bike. For the second time, so 2 X $85.00 all we did was go through my history. We stopped today I was 26. So I guess another $85.00 to have me talk again. Thank god I'm not older. lol But all in all guys I think I'm back. And last but not least, it's only been 4 days, but I'm still alcohol free!


Hey guys! Have some doctors appointments today. Will post later. Have fun! J

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Opening my back door !?

Yes I promise to show you everything!?
Are you game?
Lets start!?
From the alley you can see our parking.
My little new car! Yes Sandra, it's mine now.

Now in front of the car, in the center.

Lost in the vines is the door.

Come on in!

To your right you have the fabulous doors that we created.

Here is a view from the inside.

3 doors down you will find

the stairs for the 2nd and 3rd floor appartments. Our fernGully!?

A ferns point of view. Once back under the purgola,

you will find the pond I created.

This is the home of my 2 fishies,

the Thompson Twins, Jack & Jill

Here is Lee.

The guardian of our wood trail. Have a seat and relax!?

You are welcome anytime!?