#2 Dear John...Doe
I hope you don't think I'm going crazy with the last two posts,
High In Voltage / And It Didn't Start?!
and
Big Ol' tree!? Lets swing from it instead of hang...
These posts were inspired by a friend of mine
I was talking to on Thursday.
He's not a blogger. Yet!
I'm working on it.
He reads me and most of you every day.
He finds it helpful.
But he never comments.
He's scared,
of sickness,
of his family not loving him anymore.
He won't come out.
His faith, and theirs, in God is really strong.
He's afraid of losing them.
Why am I pushing him?
So he can start living and enjoying himself.
He's my age, 37.
Now I came out at 26 and feel I have lost a big part of my life.
I don't want him to feel the same after he gets comfortable with it all.
So if you could please comment positive words, experiences...
I would, and I'm sure he would, appreciate it.
(after he calms down cause I'm talking about him.) lol
Thank you.
J
posted by Jack at 7/16/2006 12:58:00 a.m.
8 Comments:
Joel dearie,
Pass this on to your friend:
Coming to grips with your sexuality, whatever it is, is a lifelong process; for many it changes over time; it is plastic. No one fits nicely into a category.
Realizing your Self and your sexuality is a slow process, done in little or large steps - at the rate you feel comfortable. No one should push you, only encourage.
While it can be painful at times, no one who really loves you will really dismiss you.
In all my personal and professional contact with men who 'came out' all had one regret - they did not do it earlier.
The great journey begins with a step.
Ok, pushing might be to strong a word.
I encourage strongly so he can come out assoonaspossible!?
lol
I'm not the one who will force someone out, I remember how it feels.
But I also remember the after shocks of feeling like I've wasted time.
I'll never out somebody. It's their choice, at their own pace.
J
great post. I wasted so many years not be honest with my family. I was so lucky that they all were so supportive. I've always wanted good things for my future, and I'm sure this guy feels the same way. I'm glad he's got someone like you to help him find that happiness in himself.
I'm glad I threw caution to the winds. Fear is an evil taskmaster. I decided that I would never consult with fear about my life choices any more.
I tend to agree with Ur-spo. I know for a fact as I am still in the process of coming out. And yes my faith too is a driver. But regardless of where life's direction leads me and who I may chose to divulge my sexuality to, its me that has to feel comfortable with it.
So 'J' encouraging is fine, but don't push to hard. You may push him into some situation that ends up hurting him.
I just came out last year ... at 35. I'm not out to everyone yet, but I'm working on it. It was rough at first, but it's getting much easier. And I have to tell you how different it feels to be able to myself instead of forcing myself to be the person I pretended I was.
Hang in there. But know there are people out there who will stand by you.
How should I know what to say? I'm *still* "Half Out - Half In" and am just wishing like hell that I had been fully out a long time ago. Is your friend wasting his time by not coming out? Or.. does he know his family well enough to judge their reactions? Either way, he has to at least admit *to himself* that he is what he is *and* start living his life! Otherwise he'll be 58 years old one day and be wondering why he's still alone!
Thanks you guys!?
It means a lot.
J
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