Throw Mama from the bridge!?

Press play and then read!? Thank you!?

For some reason this memory haunts me tonight!? I figure if I get up and write it down it might let me sleep. As far back as I can remember, my mom always told me what she wanted in the end. Her last wishes. She wanted to be cremated and her ashes thrown from the Quebec bridge. The subject came up from time to time. It wasn't morbid or sad, it just came up. A bit before I had to deal with this she kept telling me not to do it. I could go to jail. I told her if her wish was to cross the Quebec bridge one last time and that I tripped and dropped her over, it was just an accident. Well when she died in July 1991, I wasn't ready to let go. I kept the ashes on the top shelf of my bookcase with her picture. People would come over and ask me what that wooden box was. I'd look and tell them "that's my mom" and kept doing what I was doing. Some got freaked out, some understood. I was not keeping her, I just wasn't ready. What was I suppose to do, keep her in the closet? I was already living in it!? So by May of the following year, my friend Sandra offered to drive me down. I didn't have a car back then. So we three got into the car and drove to Quebec city. It's a two hour drive from Montreal. I remember we came from the north side of the river. The highway was going up, and then the image of the bridge appeared just as "Don't cry" from Guns and Roses started playing on the radio. I got tears in my eyes. We drove to a parking lot next to the bridge. We made our way to the middle of the bridge. I took out a screwdriver and opened the box. I let the screws and bottom fall down the bridge. I was stunned to see ashes in a plastic baggy with a white tie wrap. I pulled the bag out and let the box drop. It came within three feet of a guy that was windsurfing. I opened the bag and let the ashes fly. At first, they just came out like sand. But then the wind blew and this cloud of dust just blew up and dissipated like fireworks. I cried so hard. This was really goodbye!? Sadness stayed until we got off the bridge. We spent the rest of the day in Old Quebec and had fun!? We even got arrested by two women cause we were laughing to much. We had to pay a dollar each and got a little sticker. They were collecting for a fundraiser. I've put two different pics of the bridge, (no I didn't take them) and a song I'll always remember!? This is how I live this moment every time!?

J