8:05 am and I wanna go back to bed!?

I could feel it when I woke up this morning. I knew something was not right. Well my friends, it seems it's open season starting today on yours truly. Let the games begin!? I guess it actually started last Thursday. After missing my appointment with the psychiatrist, I had called to apologize and asked them to please call me back to make a new appointment. Well they didn't call, wanna know why? A letter was sent to my doctor stating that I never showed up. What happened to the benefit of the doubt? I guess you only get one chance. I went to my clinic last Saturday to have some papers filled by my doctor. I left him a note stating I had missed my appointment. He called me this morning all condescending asking what happened and that it took him half an hour to fill out the paperwork and that he will not redo it. I told him I had already left a message last week. And that I was waiting till 8:30 to call back this morning to speak to someone. He said to do so cause if not I'd have to go through the hospital. Meaning a 6 months wait, another evaluation, bla bla bla. He mentioned that my behavior did not just waste the psych's time, it also wastes his and what to say about the insurance? I guess they'll expect me to do some of this? Well I wont! I'd have to kiss my doctor, the secretary when and if she calls. The psych and the insurance woman. I left more for good measure. I don't think my shrink will be like them. I'll stand my ground. I wont be mean, I'll just be firm and let them know that I am not taking this lightly. I know my actions were stupid. I think, suffering from anxiety and panic and being a nervous person to begin with, I've done a pretty good job of analyzing and coming down on myself. 10:22 UPDATE!? Well fuck me!? I got a call from the hospital at 9:45. She told me the request had to come from my doctor again. I told her he didn't want to redo it. She said she was just repeating what the psych said. I called back my doctor. After about 15 minutes on hold, she transferred me to him directly. I told him and you know what he said? He'll redo it! I told him not to think that I was taking this lightly and that I did come down on myself last Thursday and that I was fighting off an anxiety attack right now. Again, you know what he said? Well keep beating yourself up and calm down. I'll send the request again. WTF? Why tell me he wasn't re-sending it if it wasn't true? I bet he's just going to take the request from last week, change the date and re-fax it. ASS! Now, ME! Why am I thinking one thing but my body reacts in a totally different way? I mean, I was serious before when I was writing my post. Then the phone call just made me melt. I lost it. I'm still shaking right now and I'm trying to keep my breathing to a normal pace. There really is a problem with my wiring. J