A void me!?

Empty!? That's all I feel like right now. I've been managing / struggling with this depression for a week now. But on Wednesday it found a way to tackle me to the ground. Then with the accident, that was just the icing on the cake. WHY?! What's the point?! I'm not beating myself up, but I am trying to beat the hell out of this stupid situation. Why did this have to happen?! Everything happens for a reason, so what is the reason behind this?! It better be a god damn good reason!? Why give that little guy only 3 months of life on earth?! What was the point?! Why give him to me if that was to happened?! I want to understand this and not miss a thing cause I do not want this to ever happen again. Funny thing is I was sure something like this was going to happen. But I was sure it was going to be Teddy, not NEO. Why him?! He always sleeps on the carpet on the way to the bathroom. At night, seeing how gray he his, we don't see him. We've kicked him a few times believe me. But he always goes back to that spot. We'll end up hurting him one day. Some of you asked me why they couldn't comment yesterday. I didn't want comments on this subject. Well some of you didn't listen and e-mailed me directly. Thank you for not listening. Your support means a lot to me. Also thank you to those who shared similar stories. I don't feel so stupid anymore. One of you told me he found his cat under him when he woke up one morning when he was young. I always sleep with my cats. Same thing with NEO, I was never afraid to squash him. I guess my instincts keep an eye out for them. So why the HELL did this have to happen?! Can anybody tell me?! Cause I sure can't see any good explanation. Was it just stupid human error?! If so, it was the stupidest error I've ever made. Since I can't write anything right now, I'll put up 2 posts that I had prepared in case of writers block. One of them is asking for help, the other is for your pleasure. Sorry!? But right now that's all I have and can say!? J